Bob Mortimer

Comedian

1959-05-23

Quotes by Bob Mortimer

• There's nothing better than just staring at a buttercup, struggling to make an impact on the world.

  Read quote

• I worked in a chicken factory, in a steel foundry, I worked on the bins for a year or so. It started as a summer job, but I stayed on because I liked it very much. I liked it that it made you very fit, doing all the lifting and that, so I could wear short-sleeved t-shirts, which I'd never been able to do before!

  Read quote

• There are quite detailed rules with sitcom. When people can leave scenes, act structure, joke rhythm. You can't not have a straight man.

  Read quote

• I like having something I can watch every single night. It suits my habits.

  Read quote

• I love 'Big Brother.' I adore it. What can I say. It just suits me fine.

  Read quote

• There are a lot of famous people who started out with us and became stars and I wouldn't swap my life with theirs for one second.

  Read quote

• After your heart fails, you just feel really vulnerable for a while. You just want telly and your little house. Then, suddenly, three, four months have passed.

  Read quote

• I eat a tin of sardines every day.

  Read quote

• I played for Middlesbrough's youth team. At the age of 16, I went into a shed at the training ground and was told that they weren't signing me on, so that was the end of that dream. Football was my life. I played football when I got to school, football every break and football as soon as I got home.

  Read quote

• I can't remember ever cooking food to impress a woman. The idea's quite cheesy and sort of makes my skin crawl. But I sometimes make a special effort to impress my cats, with chicken liver or something. It's tricky to know if a cat's impressed. They might give me a little look, a glimpse at least. That's cat ownership for you.

  Read quote

• I was so young when my dad died that I didn't think it had affected me. I had such tiny memories of him, just little glimpses, I thought I had been unaffected. But then I realised, somewhere in my late 40s I think, that probably the defining thing in my whole life was losing my dad.

  Read quote

• After my triple bypass I got my sheet of healthy and unhealthy foods and I was like, croissants!?! Literally as bad as lard.

  Read quote

• I used to like getting cups and putting tiny bits of food and liquids in them. I'd grow mould plumes in the dark wardrobe of my little back bedroom. Not to eat them, mind - just to admire the growing power.

  Read quote

• I was just a toddler when my dad died in a car crash. With my mum, Eunice, being a young widow with a large family, she really struggled money-wise.

  Read quote

• At one point I was putting 17 sugars in my tea. I know it's unbelievable and I do wonder sometimes what my mum was thinking to allow it. The weirdest thing was that if I had 18 teaspoons it was too sweet.

  Read quote

• I come from the era when that continental stuff, the skimmed yogurt and a croissant, was a healthy start to the day.

  Read quote