David Letterman

Comedian

1947-04-12

Books by David Letterman

The "LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID LETTERMAN" BOOK OF TOP TEN LISTS
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Late Show fun facts
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David Letterman's book of top ten lists and zesty lo-cal chicken recipes
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Quotes by David Letterman

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
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Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
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USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
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There is no off position on the genius switch.
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There's not a man, woman or child on the face of the earth who doesn't enjoy a tasty beverage.
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The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong.
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People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.
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We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector.
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Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.
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Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.
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President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
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The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and thought it was spring, so they accidentally changed the hot dog water in their carts.
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The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.
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Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives.
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I think I might have a bad psychic advisor. When I asked her to contact the dead, she gave me Keith Richards' phone number.
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The Mars Polar Lander has been quieter than George W. Bush after a foreign policy question.
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I was once involved in a same-sex marriage. There was the same sex over and over and over.
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Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change colors and fall from the trees.
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Say what you will about Leona Helmsley, when it comes to standing trial, she's twice the man Jim Bakker is.
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Every year when it's Chinese New Year here in New York, there are fireworks going off at all hours. New York mothers calm their frightened children by telling them it's just gunfire.
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