Eddie Izzard

Comedian

1962-02-07

Quotes by Eddie Izzard

• But with dogs, we do have bad dog. Bad dog exists. Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog! The dog is saying, Who are you to judge me? You human beings who've had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!Well, if you put it that way, I think you've got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.

  Read quote

• They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

  Read quote

• But with dogs, we do have bad dog. Bad dog exists. Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog! The dog is saying, Who are you to judge me? You human beings who've had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!Well, if you put it that way, I think you've got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.

  Read quote

• They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

  Read quote

• Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both... different. In spelling.

  Read quote

• MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.

  Read quote

• Never put a sock in a toaster.

  Read quote

• I'm quite good at taking in information so I voraciously inhale Wikipedia - which may have some things wrong in it, but I think is generally more information than we had before. Last tour we didn't have Wikipedia. And then Discovery Channel and History Channel. I can take it in and retain what I think are the most important facts.

  Read quote

• I use a Bruce Lee technique: 'The way of no way.' He had the idea that he would learn everything, so that whoever he had to fight, he could improvise anything. The best way of starting a gig is just to not think of anything - to clear your mind, not in an empty Zen state, but more just to go on and see where you go.

  Read quote