Greg Behrendt
Comedian
1963-07-21
Books by Greg Behrendt
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It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Breakup Buddy
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Quotes by Greg Behrendt
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We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, "You're not theone." We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both— or even worse, cry and yell at us.
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..he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you.
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First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend
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He doesn't have to love your CD collection. He doesn't have to love your shoes. But any good, mature guy better make an attempt to love your friends and family— especially when they're great.
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He doesn't need to be reminded you're great.
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The quickest way to rectify that mistake (choosing the wrong person) is by learning from that, moving on, and choosing much more wisely in the future.
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Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)
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Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.
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We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception. It's liberating. But we also know it's not an easy concept. -He's not just into you
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There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account.
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I believe in love the verb, not the noun.
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You picked a lemon, throw it away lemonade is overrated. Freaks should remain at the circus, not in your apartment. You already have one asshole. You don't need another. Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve. Have faith.
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When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you'd like them to be.
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Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside.
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Let's start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find out that there's something better out there is to first believe there's something better out there. What other choice is there?
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If he's not calling you, it's because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn't follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he's okay with disappointing you. Don't be with someone who doesn't do what they say they're going to do. If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs. "Busy" is another word for —asshole.— "Asshole" is another word for the guy you're dating. You deserve a fcking phone call.
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I'm about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word busy is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call. Remember men are never to busy to get what they want.
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We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, "You're not theone." We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both— or even worse, cry and yell at us.
Read quote -
The quickest way to rectify that mistake (choosing the wrong person) is by learning from that, moving on, and choosing much more wisely in the future.
Read quote -
When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you'd like them to be.
Read quote