Groucho Marx

Comedian

1890-10-02

Books by Groucho Marx

Groucho and Me
View on Amazon
The Groucho letters
View on Amazon
Alone on the Ice
View on Amazon

As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases.

Quotes by Groucho Marx

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
Read quote
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Read quote
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
Read quote
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)
Read quote
I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.
Read quote
Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.
Read quote
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
Read quote
With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.
Read quote
Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
Read quote
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Read quote
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Read quote
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
Read quote
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Read quote
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
Read quote
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
Read quote
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
Read quote
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
Read quote
Room service? Send up a larger room.]
Read quote
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.
Read quote
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Read quote