J. B. Smoove

Actor

1966-12-16

Quotes by J. B. Smoove

• I'm sure back in the Greek days or the Roman Empire days, when guys fought in arenas and were fighting lions, people were talking smack. Every era in history has someone talking smack. No way you can have talent and not proclaim your victory.

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• Kids love me. I can bounce back and forth. I can discipline kids, and I can get into the mind of a kid. In my brain, I consider myself the ultimate video game player. The ultimate snack maker.

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• I'm on my version of the protein diet, but there ain't no protein in it. It's a Krispy Kreme doughnut between two Cinnabons. And you soak it overnight in Red Bull. Then you chase it with a Snickers.

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• I've done everything. Selling door-to-door fire extinguishers... In bars, I used to repair those machines that have 10 different buttons on them to spray club soda and seltzer.

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• I steal scenes, I steal opportunities. I am the ultimate thief. I got sticky fingers, man. They all call me The Thief.

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• What happens in improv is you create your own storyline.

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• There's book smart, there is street smart, there's relationship smart, there's too many different kinds of smarts to know all of them. Everybody doesn't know every kind of smart. There's money smart, there's movie smart, there's computer smart. There's just too many different kinds of smarts for people to know all the smarts.

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• I've had jokes stolen a thousand times. But if you can do it better than me, you can have it. I've had jokes stolen from me in the club when I'm next on stage. And my brain will start to turn, and the gears will start turning, and I'll go onstage and create a whole new bit.

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• I should be European, man. I'm long and lean. I'd look good in a trench coat.

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• True Yankees fans know an up-and-coming player when they see one.

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