Jackie Mason

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

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I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

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The Republican Party stinks because all of the Republicans have accomplished nothing, and they talk about all of these issues and do nothing about it for a whole lifetime.

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I've been watching politics for 35 or 40 years and you just never know. You can have one person win the Iowa caucus and then the whole picture changes ten minutes later. The same thing can happen again after New Hampshire. I have no idea what's going to happen with our country in the future.

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It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

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If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

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Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if he wanted to be one?

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It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

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I have enough money to last me the rest of my life - unless I buy something.

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'What is the meaning of life?' is a stupid question. Life just exists. You say to yourself, 'I can't accept that I mean nothing so I have to find the meaning of life so that I shouldn't mean as little as I know I do.' Subconsciously you know you're full of shit. I see life as a dance. Does a dance have to have a meaning? You're dancing because you enjoy it.

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Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

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Quotes by Jackie Mason