Janet Evanovich

Writer

1943-04-22

Quotes by Janet Evanovich

• You never want to look in a mirror, Lula said. Men love mirrors. They look at themselves doing the deed and they see Rex the Wonder Horse. Women look at themselves and think they need to renew their membership at the gym.

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• If she wasn't your grandmother I'd shoot her.Ranger

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• Money isn't everything.'—The only people who say that are people who have enough money to pay the rent.

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• Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut.

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• I like the way you've let your hair go curly, he finally said. Suits your personality. Lots of energy, not much control, sexy as hell,Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum

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• Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it's never going to replace cake.

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• Look at you! You look like Rangeman Barbie. You got a gun and everything.-Lula

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• Jesus, Morelli, you sound like you have PMS. You have to learn to lighten up a little. It's just a car alarm. You should be thanking me. I had it installed with my own money.

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• I don't need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here?

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• Maybe it was me, Grandma said.Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?

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• Fuck, Ranger said.Ranger didn't often curse and he rarely raised his voice. The fuck has been entirely conversational. Like he was now midly inconvenienced. He put his Bates boot to the door and the door popped open..

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• Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. How does he always get food stuck to him? I asked Morelli. I don't know, Morelli said. It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure.-Morelli And Stephanie

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• Wondering where Ranger was now, when I needed him. Why wasn't he here, insisting on locking me up in a safe house? Now that my hamster's cage was clean, I'd be happy to oblige.

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• In spite of all the sparring that went on between us, I sort of liked Morelli. Good judgment told me to stand clear of him, but then I've never been a slave to good judgment.

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• Your on your on with this one babe.Coward.Calling me names isn't going to get me in there.-Ranger and Stephanie

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• Now that we know you're not a hundred percent vampire you should stop trying to suck necks, I said to Ziggy.I'll try, Ziggy said, but it's a hard habit to break.

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• My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn.She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action.-Ranger and Stephanie

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• Do you see that man in the black Porsche? I asked the women.They squinted out at Ranger. Yes, they said.Your partner.He's homeless. He's looking for a place to stay and he might be interested in renting Singh's room.Mrs.Apusenja's eyes widened. We could use the income.She looked at Nonnie and then back at Ranger. Is he married?Nope. He's single. He's a real catch.Connie did something between a gasp and a snort and buried her head back behind the computer. Thank you for everything. Mrs.Apusenja said. I suppose you are not such a bad slut. I will go talk to your partner.:Omigod, Connie said, when the door closed behind the Apusenja's. Ranger's going to kill you. The Apusenjas stood beside the Porsche, talkig to Ranger for a few long minutes, giving him the big sales pitch. The pitch wound down, Ranger responded, and Mrs. Apusenja looked disappointed. The two women crossed the road and got into the burgundy Escort and quickly drove away. Ranger turned his head in my direction and our eyes met. His expression was still bemused, but this time it was the sort of bemused expression a kid has when he's pulling the wings off a fly.Uh-Oh,Connie said. I whipped around and faced Connie. Quick, give me an FTA. You're backed up, right? For God's sake, give me something fast. I need a reason to stand here until he calms down! Connie shoved a pile of folders at me. Pick one. Any one! Oh shit, he's getting out of his car.....He leaned into me and his lips brushed the shell of my ear. Feeling playful?I don't know what you're talking about.Watch your back babe. I will get even.-Ranger and Stephanie

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• I don't need handcuffs to enslave a woman. -Ranger to Stephanie

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• Ranger locked eyes with me. Please, he said.Tank and Hal were goggle-eyed. They weren't used to please. I wasn't used to it either. But I liked it. Okay, I said. Be careful. He's insane.

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