I do cagefight commentary in my spare time.

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The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both.

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I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.

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The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.

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I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.

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Faith itself is a horrible mechanism that stunts the growth of ideas. It also stunts the act of questioning, and it does this by pushing the idea that you have to have faith - and that nothing has to be proven.

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It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.

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That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

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It never hurt Lenny Bruce's career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in.

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I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you're sparring or drilling techniques, you can't think of anything else.

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The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.

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The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own.

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The planet's spinning a thousand miles an hour around this gigantic nuclear explosion while these people roll these machines with rubber tires over this hard surface that we've laid down over the planet so that we can easily move ourselves back and forth.

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I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.

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I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig.

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I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them.

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Any comic like myself owes everything he has to Lenny Bruce. He was the originator. The godfather of uncensored American stand-up is clearly Lenny Bruce.

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My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends.

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Comedy is really not like any other art form in that it's very specialized and varied in it's content, but generic in it's title.

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I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

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Joe Rogan

Books by Joe Rogan

Quotes by Joe Rogan