Kathy Griffin

Comedian

1961-11-04

Books by Kathy Griffin

Official book club selection
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Kathy Griffin's celebrity run-ins
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Quotes by Kathy Griffin

It always pisses me off when I'm calling in to some Morning Zoo radio show to promote God-only-knows what— probably this book, so get ready, I'm comin'— when the DJ actually tries to convince me that there are as many female comics as male ones. Cue hypermasculine Morning Zoo Hacky McGee voice: "So Kath, I don't know what you chicks are always complaining about." To which I respond: —Really? Why don't you call your local comedy club and ask for the Saturday night lineup? I guarantee you the male to female ratio is going to be about nine to one. You dick-wad.
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Of course, I've told Jesus to suck it, too, which earned me a certain measure of notoriety, because you have to make fun of any religion that would let you have sixteen kids and say it's God's will.
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A lot of people come up here and they thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn't help me a bit. If it was up to him, Cesar Millan would be up here with that damn dog. So all I can say is, 'suck it, Jesus! This award is my God now'!
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I was raised right — I talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners.
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A lot of people come up here and they thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn't help me a bit. If it was up to him, Cesar Millan would be up here with that damn dog. So all I can say is, 'suck it, Jesus! This award is my God now'!
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I was raised right — I talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners.
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Of course, I've told Jesus to suck it, too, which earned me a certain measure of notoriety, because you have to make fun of any religion that would let you have sixteen kids and say it's God's will.
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It always pisses me off when I'm calling in to some Morning Zoo radio show to promote God-only-knows what— probably this book, so get ready, I'm comin'— when the DJ actually tries to convince me that there are as many female comics as male ones. Cue hypermasculine Morning Zoo Hacky McGee voice: "So Kath, I don't know what you chicks are always complaining about." To which I respond: —Really? Why don't you call your local comedy club and ask for the Saturday night lineup? I guarantee you the male to female ratio is going to be about nine to one. You dick-wad.
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The great thing about celebrity culture is that they can't seem to stop themselves from displaying their ridiculous behaviour. I feel it's my job as a serious investigative journalist to witness all kinds of behaviour and then report back to the audience through the prism of my own anger and bitterness.
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I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.
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To give up my job as a temp and actually make a living doing comedy, it was staggering.
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I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great.
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I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.
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I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming.
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