Nish Kumar
Quotes by Nish Kumar
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I'm a standup comedian who can't drive. I have never learned. I don't trust my hand-eye coordination. You're looking at someone who once dropped a cricket ball on to his own head during a routine catching practice; I don't think it's a great idea to have me in control of a high-speed metal death robot.
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I'm sure when alternative comedy started, before which - Billy Connolly aside - standup was essentially a person being racist and sexist onstage, there was also the sense that this was the death of comedy. But it's just progress.
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I'm a touring standup comedian so a lot of the time I'm looking for box sets that I can put on my computer to pass the time on train journeys. I have far too much free time for an adult.
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In the event of a Mad Max-style post-apocalyptic dystopia, people with supplies of food and water could become warlords or chieftains in the social order that emerges out of the rubble.
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When I was growing up, and periodically going to India to visit my grandmother, my classmates would often ask me about the trains. There was an exotic fascination with people sitting on top of the carriages.
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Frustration with the trains is inevitable, given the daily difficulties commuters face.
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You have to have your own internal barometer of what is too far. I try and consider feelings of people in the audience. What you have to try and do is that when there is something that could be seen as a transgression, you actually have a reason to justify the joke.
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I'm quite good at Lego and Fifa, but they don't translate in the real world.
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And I can tell you from firsthand experience that our train system is a mess. Carriages are full of unhappy travellers packed together like sardines, who have inexplicably paid for the privilege of being incarcerated.
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Viola Davis is just one of those actors who is never bad in anything. She could be in an awful film but you'd never come away from it saying she was bad.
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Brexit is a ceaseless grind of conversations about customs unions and backstops. Anything that can add an air of whimsical, childlike wonder to proceedings can only be a good thing.
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