Pat Paulsen

Comedian

1927-07-06

Books by Pat Paulsen

How to Wage a Successful Campaign for the Presidency
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Quotes by Pat Paulsen

I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced - I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man.
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I don't need adult supervision.
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Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon.
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Presidents tend to tinker, you know, and mess everything up.
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I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn't it?
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I once told Tommy Smothers, 'If I could just get the money and the women straightened out, the rest of my life would be easy.'
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In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president.
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I've been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar.
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Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'
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I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show.
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I like to pour my wines for people. I watch their eyes, I can see what they'll like. Most people say they don't like dry wine because they haven't had a dry wine that's clean and fruity, instead of a big, oaky thing.
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Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar.
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I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.
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Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.
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I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.
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