Roseanne Barr
Actress
1952-11-03
Books by Roseanne Barr
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My lives
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Quotes by Roseanne Barr
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The most out-there thing I'm saying is, —Don't have babies. Don't get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.
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Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.
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Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
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The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
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Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
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Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.
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The most out-there thing I'm saying is, —Don't have babies. Don't get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.
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The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
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Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
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Patriarchy is impotent and qualitatively unable to solve even the most simple problems in the cosmos such as picking up their own socks or placing a carton of milk back in the refrigerator after drinking from it.
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I am a woman, therefore I am a problem solver.
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I had - after I sang the 'Star Spangled Banner' so badly, after my tragic singing accident, after that, you know, all my stuff kind of, like, really got even more full blown and, you know, I got stage fright and, you know, I couldn't do stand-up anymore and let alone sing and all the other things.
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Women of this planet need some essential resources: wells, seeds and roads. That is primarily all we have ever needed. Added to that, women need righteous and strong men who will help us to use our most cherished gifts: the ability to multitask and problem solve.
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When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying.
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Ever since I was a girl, I have written about one to five pages every day - on napkins, on scrap paper, in notebooks and tablets, on the walls in my room as a teenager, and in orange paint on the cheap white plastic blinds in my room.
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I wish I'd done a tenth year of the 'Roseanne' show.
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Just ten of the Jewish billionaires on this Earth have more than enough to transform the occupied territories into heaven. We can put the 'pal' back in Palestinian.
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I do kabbalistic meditation. It's not unlike time travel; it can change the past and not just the future. You can look at what was lost and go beyond the grief of what was lost.
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After my 1985 appearance on 'The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson,' I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom.
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I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers.
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