Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

The nearest my parents came to alcohol was at Holy Communion and they utterly overestimated its effects. However bad the weather, Dad never drove to church because Mam thought the sacrament might make him incapable on the return journey.

Some people tell you you should not drink claret after strawberries. They are wrong.

Always carry a corkscrew and the wine shall provide itself.

A cocktail is to a glass of wine as rape is to love.

No government could survive without champagne. Champagne in the throats of our diplomatic people is like oil in the wheels of an engine.

The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law.

Drink! for you know not whence you came, nor why: Drink! for you know not why you go, nor where.

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

I am a character. You are a loose cannon. He is drunk.

It was a woman that drove me to drink and I never got the chance to thank her.

Drunkenness is nothing else but voluntary madness.

Don Marquis came down after a month on the wagon, ambled over to the bar, and announced, 'I've conquered that goddamn willpower of mine. Gimme a double Scotch.'

The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger.

Conversation, like certain portions of the anatomy, always runs more smoothly when lubricated.

Drunkenness is temporary suicide: the happiness it brings is merely negative, a momentary cessation of unhappiness.

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.

There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.