Death: THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT.Albert: Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.

I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I'm under the table,after four I'm under my host.

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.

Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Be wary of strong drink, it can make you shoot at the tax collector...and miss.

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

Some waste away their lives by drinking, partying or by simply having fun and living for pleasure.

Kill your appetite and save for the future!

He had been gambling and drinking and eating now and again at the buffet tables the casinos keep heaped with food day and night, but mostly hopping himself up with good old amphetamine, cooling himself down with meprobamate, then hooking down more alcohol, until now, after sixty hours, he was slipping into the symptoms of toxic schizophrenia.

There are two reasons for drinking: one is, when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it.

The drinking man is never less himself than during his sober intervals.

One more drink and I'll be under the host.

Back in my home I drink a cup of wine And need not fear the greed of the evening wind.

The more necessary it becomes to stop drinking, the more impossible it becomes to stop.

To get over the guilt of drinking, take your brandy in milk. This way, it becomes medicinal.

Whenever I'm drunk I want to go on the wagon. Really I want to, but I like it, I like it, and I can't, really, I mean I can but I won't.

Drink! for you know not whence you came, nor why; Drink! for you know not why you go, nor where.

I drink to make other people more interesting.