Smoking is hateful to the nose, harmful to the brain, and dangerous to the lungs.

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

For now, I'm just going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view.

I've never heard of anybody smoking a joint and going on a rampage. It makes you lie around on the floor and look at the ceiling. What's wrong with that?

Coffee and smoking are the last great addictions.

I found out that smoking is the leading cause of statistics.

I just don't want anyone messing around with my pure smoking pleasure.

I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.

The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and someone says, 'Hey, mind if I smoke?' I always say, 'No. Mind if I fart?'

People think there's a choice between smoking and immortality, but we've all got to die of something.

I'm eighty-three and I've been smoking since I was eleven. I'm suing the cigarette company because it promised to kill me and it hasn't.

I offered Dawn a cigarette. She refused. 'No thanks, I've already got cancer.'

If I could smoke from more than one orifice, I most certainly would.

I would rather smoke one cigar than hear two sermons.

But when I don't smoke I scarcely feel as if I'm living. I don't feel as if I'm living unless I'm killing myself.

It is bad enough stopping people doing something you don't like. But it is far worse to stop them doing it for their own sake. This is the first symptom of the totalitarian mind, and there is a lot of it about.

You have to work at it if you want to be a good smoker. Especially today with all the non-smoking world constantly harassing you.

Smoking is the great romance of my lifetime. If I could find someone I wanted forty-five times a day, perhaps I could stop.

Quit puffing that hell fume in God's clean air.

Smoking cigars is like falling in love; first you are attracted to its shape; you stay with it for its flavour; and you must always remember never, never let the flame go out.